Miles the Terrible on Vox

That's right, people!  Get with it!  I've moved to Blogger.

Oh, and by the way, my humans' online business, bustawindow.com, has been finished at last!

See you on Blogger!  Or not.  See if I care, really.

With all the stuff to do around the office, I haven't had time to write back to some of you.  Yes, I've still got a few questions to answer, and keep them coming, because I'll be back with a vengeance.

As you know, my humans are busily rearranging their business, and I've been called in to supervise the progress.

Wish us well, and I'll be back at ya soon!

Until the next stupid human,

Miles

(Send in your questions by message or email under "About Me".)

Crystal asked, "I am beginning to think I am too,too hot to handle,that is.I have taken up wearing a ring on my left ring finger,to keep men away.What do you think of that Miles,do you think it will work?Or can you come up with a better idea for me,for this problem I seem to have,with men, thinking I am way, 'TOO HOT'?"

I'm no stupid human with a need for mating other than the mere urge, but I've heard a few things about this subject.

First of all, Crystal, rings don't mean a single thing any more.  In fact, if you're wearing a wedding ring on your hand, you might just be inviting even more men to say something.  After all, snagging someone else's girl, even for a cat, is something of a prize.  It seems that only human women still seem to value this symbol as meaning something.

So, what should you do?  I'll tell you.

Buy yourself a bottle of Elmer's glue (the kind you used to use in school).  Pour a small amount of glue in your hand and then rub it on your hands, just like you used to do.  I've seen humans do this before, anyway, so I'm figuring you did it at least once in your past.  Remember how your hands looked after you did this?  Like a leper, maybe?  Who's gonna hit on a leper?

If you were really desperate to keep away the thugs, you could try a few other things: color in one of your teeth with a black marker, walk with a terrible limp, or eat something really smelly before going outside so that your breath smells terrible.  Better yet, don't brush your teeth or do anything to yourself at all.  Just go around sweaty.  And belch a lot.  That's always a real winner.

So, don't forget now, make sure to always look your "best" every time you want to avoid the men folk.  Works every time!

Until the next stupid human,

Miles

Thanks to a tip from Voxy Lady M, I'm on Catster!  Take a look!

I've still got more questions to answer from you people, but I've just not been in the mood lately.  I'll get around to it when I get around to it.

I love me, and so should you!

Hey, losers!  I'm six-years-old.  Today.  As in August 28, 2001.  When I was born.  My birthday.  I'm 6.

SO GET IT IN GEAR AND SEND ME SOME LOVE!!!

(Send in your questions by message or email under "About Me".)

Crystal wrote: "So,what do you think my problem is that I do not like blond nor red-haired guys,the darker their hair,all the better?”

Well, Crystal, this one's taken me a bit to think about.  I've gotten to know quite a few folks in my time, and as I think about it, it seems that there's a distinct connection between people's hair color and how strong their stench is.

May I quickly state, here, that this phenomenon has NO bearing on felines.  We don't have "hair color," anyways.  "Fur color" is its own monster...

Back to hair color.  As a feline, I have a much more refined sense of smell than you human losers, and so I pick up on this sort of thing easier than you would, but it seems, Crystal, that you've advanced beyond your peers here.  People REEK.  I mean, they smell terrible, every last one of 'em.  BUT, those with darker hair tend to smell less.  Sorry about that, Crystal.  This must mean you stink pretty badly.  Unless you're not a natural blonde.  In that case, you probably smell okay.  But natural blondes are the WORST for this problem.  Not only are they frickin' STUPID, but they stink, to boot!

So, Crystal, that's why you like guys with dark hair.  Take my humans.  Dark hair.  And I live pretty well, and without having to fumigate, even!

Until the next stupid human,

Miles

Hey losers!  Have you heard my theme song yet?  If not, where the heck you been?  Check it out here!

(Send in your questions by message or email under "About Me".)

Hurricane Hetta wrote, "Must I not eat junk food before and during my period?"

Do you want to get fat?  Then go ahead.

Do you want to stay thin?  Then stick with rice cakes.

Until the next stupid human,

Miles

(Send in your questions by message or e-mail under "About Me".)

Air Mouse wrote:  Why don't people have tails or whiskers?

Well now, isn't that an interesting question?  My theory is that humans had tails at one time in their existence.  They don't have them now because at some point they got this wise idea that they couldn't sit on their butts properly with a tail stickin' out in back.  Which of course, is ridiculous because that doesn't hinder me or you from sittin on our butts.  And of course, they have to wear pants too and stuffin' their tails down in their pants became too much of a hinderance as well.  None of this would have been necessary if they weren't so compelled to go against nature.  I mean, look at them!  They haven't got any fur to cover their bodies!  They've shaved it all off!  It's crazy if you ask me.  What irks me even more is that Hetta is always pullin' on my tail like she's jealous, or maybe she secretly wants to pull it off.  You gotta be careful around these weirdo humans. 

I mean, what the heck are they thinkin'?  They shave off all their hair, cut off their tales and then cover up again with clothes.  What a waste of time and that stinky stuff they call money.  What's more, this time of year, they lay out in the sun trying to get their skin darker.  What's up with that?  It's so contradictory.  And, what they don't realize, is the reason they walk around here like they haven't got two cents is that they don't have their tail to help them maintain balance.  Humans!  Such ridiculous creatures!

And the whiskers?  Well, they do have those.  Again, they keep shavin' or pullin' them out.  In fact, Hetta has a whisker that grows quite nicely out the side of her face.  But, every time she notices it, she rants and raves and pulls it out!  Ouch!  If she'd just leave it alone, it would eventually fall out like mine does.  But I guess I misunderstand the point and that is she doesn't want it there at all-- ever!  So odd.

I hope that answers your question, Air Mouse.

Until the next stupid human,

Miles

Even when I'm doin' nuthin', I'm doin' more than you.  Check me out.  I rule!

Doin' What I Do Best

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